Do you know a woman who has been single most of her life? Or are YOU that woman, hoping for God to send someone your way?
I’m pretty certain my daughter who has never been married would love to find a godly man, and raise children one day. However, she finds joy living the life that many who are married with young children would love to experience.
Dana has opportunities every day on her job to “make magic” for children, encourage adults who are struggling to live their dream, and extend the love of Jesus through her compassion, a contagious smile, and a kind word or two.
Although she loves being “Auntie Dana” to her best friend’s child, she doesn’t covet the lives she sees so many wives and moms living. The feeling of aloneness or inadequacy only visits when she’s asked if she’s “seeing someone” or if she’s “married yet” and those questions can tend to make her feel she’s incomplete because she hasn’t yet found her man.
My daughter recently told me: “I don’t feel alone until someone asks me why I’m not married or seeing someone, and then implies I’m not trying hard enough to find someone, or I’m not being obedient enough to God.”
God calls women to positions of leadership, influence, and world-change, as He does men. One woman in particular, whom God clearly called to be single, was Amy Carmichael, writer, author, and missionary to the orphans of India. This godly woman asked God to make her personal house empty if through it His could be more full. With that prayer of surrender, she gave up hopes of marriage and motherhood in order to help hundreds of orphan girls escape sexual enslavement in India. She built God’s family, instead of her own, and became known as “Ama” (or mama) to so many. Amy Carmichael left a legacy because she followed God’s plan for her life, not the plan of others or herself. And she cared for far more children through her singleness than she ever would have if she had married and bore children of her own.
If you are single and thinking you might always be—and yet you are recognizing that God has given you opportunities of influence and impact where He’s placed you—trust what He is allowing or not allowing in your life. Praise Him for the opportunities He’s sending your way, and don’t feel hurt or alone when someone else expects your life to take a different turn.
And if you are married and happy with your life, don’t assume every unmarried woman longs for what you have. Just as God created diversity through ethnicity, talents and abilities, and opportunities, so He has designated diverse paths for women to impact others’ lives and leave their mark on this world. He can use you in a mighty way regardless of your marital status.
To remain single is far better than to “try” marriage (because you fear being alone or because everyone else expects that path for you). To remain single is far better than to bind yourself to a man who hurts or abuses you in some way and then find you are single again. Paul said he wished all believers would remain single as he was, because then they could have undivided lives when it came to pleasing their Lord and not be distracted by the expectations and demands of marriage. Yet instead of seeing singlehood as a calling or blessing today, most believers think of it as a curse.
Single or married, you are worth more than you can imagine in the eyes of your Father who is also your “heavenly husband” (Isaiah 54:5). If you’ve never married or you find yourself single again, don’t ever bow your head in shame for not being able to say you have found a life partner. Hold out for God’s best for you, whether that is a life of serving Him alone or one in which He eventually brings someone alongside you so that the two of you can serve Him together. He wants your joy to be found in Him, not in any other, whether you are married or not.
What is the one thing God requires of you and me and every person? Not marriage. Not fulfilling the expectations of others. Not reproducing an heir and extending your family lineage. His highest command is that we each love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that we love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39).
Who do you know who loves God and is still single? Think about how you can encourage her for following God’s plan for her life over her own.
And if you are the one living single, hold on to the One who has you exactly where He wants you at this moment in time so He can work powerfully through you. As you delight yourself in Him above all other things and people, He will plant His desires for you into your heart, and He will delight in granting them (Psalm 37:4).
My prayer for you today is that you focus on the lovely things about your life and seek to encourage every woman you see who is living for God, regardless of her marital status.
Lord, help us to live for You in our present circumstances, content with who is or is not in our lives. As we follow You, we have no doubt You know what You’re doing and can get us safely to where You want us to be for Your glory.
(This blog is based upon my new devotional book releasing in September: The New Loneliness Devotional: 50 Days to a Closer Connection with God. Pre-order it now on Amazon with a low-price guarantee.)
