Have you ever wondered how to inspire your husband and draw his heart closer to yours?
Do you ever feel like you walk alone in your marriage because he’s just not responding the way you’d like?
Are there things you don’t understand about your man that drive a wedge between the two of you?
Well, you don’t have to feel alone in your marriage anymore. You can learn how to inspire your husband and draw his heart closer to yours in ways you’ve never imagined.
In my recent interview with Dr. James Dobson, I shared some practical steps from my book, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, that will help your husband see you as the one person he wants to be around the most.
Your husband lives in a world where it’s important for him to know that he’s winning. So what’s the best thing you can do for him? Become his cheerleader. When a man hits midlife he needs his wife to be more like a girlfriend, than a mother. Your husband needs to have a No. 1 fan to cheer him on, support him, encourage him, and believe in him even when he isn’t too sure if he believes in himself. And ladies, that No. 1 fan of your husband needs to be you.
So how can you be his cheerleader in a practical way? By putting into practice the following attitudes and actions until they become habits. (This will help you C-H-E-E-R him on!)
“C” – Come Alongside Him
In Genesis 2:18, when God said that He would make a “helper” suitable for Adam, God used the same word that describes the role and ministry of the Holy Spirit. In the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is called our “helper” — and He is also our counselor, comforter, intercessor, and advocate. In giving you to your husband as his “helper,” God was giving your man someone who was designed to act, in some ways, as his counselor, comforter, intercessor and advocate.
One of the best ways you can come alongside your husband and be his helper is to quietly watch and prayerfully wait upon God to know what your husband needs and how you might best respond to meet that need. Just as the Holy Spirit quietly ministers to your heart, you can quietly minister to your husband’s by being his helper without him even knowing it.
“H” – Help Him Look Good…Always
Sometimes when my husband and I are conversing with another couple, he will describe something that took place, but in a way that’s different than how I remember. For instance, he might leave out some details or get some of the specifics mixed up. And being a former reporter and self-appointed “keeper of details” I often feel I have to set things straight. (Alert: What not to do!) I’ve grown to understand the golden rule applies here. Treat your husband as you would want to be treated. Don’t correct him in front of others. Revere him in the same way you want to be revered. It will go a long way with him. And that’s what a cheerleader would do.
“E” – Encourage Him Personally
Leave sticky notes telling him how awesome of a man he is. Constantly remind him that he’s still the one. Those words go a long way with a man in terms of building him up and letting him know you not only respect him, but desire him, too. You can have a profound impact on your husband’s life, job and personal well being, simply by providing a reaffirming voice, a positive smile, a tender touch.
“E” – Elevate Him In Front of Others
“A guy wants to feel like he’s his wife’s hero,” my husband told me. A few days later, I heard that firsthand from someone else’s husband, Doug. “There’s nothing better than hearing my wife tell someone else: ‘My husband is the man for that job. He’s the best there is.’ When she says that, and really believes it, I feel 10 feet tall.”
Ephesians 4:29 gives us a beautiful principle to live by — and it especially works in marriages: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” That verse implies that others have a need to be built up, and when you think about it, who doesn’t? Your husband has that need, too, especially to be built up by you. Find ways to build your husband up privately and publicly.
“R” – Respond to Him Enthusiastically
Positive words are great, but they are not enough. It’s important for your actions to show how much you support and love your husband. Affirming looks, smiles, touches, hugs, kisses, and sexual intimacy (initiated by you!) are priceless. To the contrary, the roll of your eyes, the tightening of your lips, and an exasperated sigh will tell your husband that you’re disappointed. Let the light in your eyes, the spring in your step, and the smile on your lips show how much you adore him. Give him no reason to doubt that you are his greatest fan.
Though i am not married at the moment, but i think this will help me alot when i get there. Thanks.
Your welcome, Seun. I wish I knew some of these things before I married. : )
Very helpful article Cindi – thanks! I’m guilty of correcting my husband in front of others at times, and I didn’t realize how this probably makes him feel – kinda stupid! Oops…
You and me both, Judy. Nice that they are forgiving with all of our “Oops”. : )
Thanks for the information it will be used in the future I’m a cheerleader for God who is first in my life now I can be a cheerleader for my husband too.
Good point, Loreen. As we seek to love our husbands as we love and respect God, we can’t go wrong. Thanks for commenting.
Sorry, but I am diasppointed, becasue non of you have spoken to explain how the wives feel and what we need. We need to be ecouraged by our husbands and we need him to make us look good in front of others too. As our husbands seek to love and honor the wives, they will see loving wives in return.
Yes, I am his helper to be at his side, not under his feet. Does anyone need me to find the Scriptures that tell the husband how he is to give himself for his wife and to love and honor her
Let us not make husbands idols. that would be so wrong
Thank you for reading and commenting, Zaylie. I agree that we are NOT to make our husbands idols…which is why I wrote my first book 15 years ago: “Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs.” Yes, Scripture commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This particular blog post and interview is on the subject of how WIVES can help their husbands because of the number of wives I talk to who are focused on how their husbands are falling short. I am giving wives a place to start because sometimes the prayer “Change him, Lord” is more effective when we start with the prayer “Change ME, Lord.” I completely understand and support a wife’s desire for mutual love and respect in a marriage and so does God….I believe God intended for marriage to be that way. But when we, as wives, begin to love our husbands sacrificially — as Christ loved us — we can be less focused on how they are falling short. A book or blog post on how a husband is to love his wife is something that MANY men have written to their male audiences. Because God has called me to write to women, I have addressed a wife’s responsibility. Thank you, again, for reading.
Hi Cindi!
From November to December I am heavily focused on God and family. I don’t spend much time with technology, so I am very behind , but anxiously awaiting reading your posts! And I LOVE this one:-) As a woman married for 31 years I can say how right you are! Were it only that I had read this (or been a Christian) before and then during my first years of marriage, it would have been really valuable. The beginning was a bit rough but all the work over the years has produced an amazing union! In the beginning when it was difficult I became a Christian and heard a speaker talk about “A compliment a day”. I decided to do it, knowing I could, in a 24 hour period find at least ONE thing to compliment him on….it MUST be genuine. As I put this into practice, I ignored his sarcastic responses and rewarded the appropriate ones only to see it all turn around to be such positive, healthy interaction! Your “C-H-E-E-R” is great, always good to have a refresher! Something I never fail to do is sneak a card and a treat he enjoys into his suit case when he travels. The card always reflects something I love about him and how I await his return, among other things. I’m so glad you write your blog from a woman to women, focused on women. I find that the better a woman I am for my man, the better a man he is for me. It may take some time for him to “get it”, but he does 🙂 I have not read your book “Inspiring The Man in Your Life” but am looking forward to it!
Thank you for your input. It’s good to hear from you again, Chery. : )
I appreciate your insight and I am digging into your books, I am frustrated because, I have relied on God for my needs for 18 years now, and as I grew closer to the Lord, the distance grew between my husband and I. I was growing, and he was not, so I guess what I’m saying is, I feel like my emotional attachment to him is gone, and I don’t trust him or rely on him, so becoming his cheerleader feels so empty and fake. I have raised our three daughters pretty much alone and we are expecting a son soon, so I’m fearful about how to raise a son with a detached father and husband. HELP!
Christi, thank you for your honest comments. I know that when we look to God first to meet our needs, there is a deep sadness, too, at the question of “Will my husband EVER be able to be the kind of man I need and want?” That is still a very real need and deep desire that we have, as wives. And yet, I know of couples where the wife is a believer and the husband is not, and as she looks to God first, He honors that and causes her to feel fulfilled in her marriage anyway. It doesn’t seem possible. And yet God CAN do the impossible. I don’t suggest that you “be his cheerleader” if that feels insincere. He will not appreciate insincerity either. Start, Christi, by just praying for him, for his heart for God, for his sensitivity to his wife, to be a man that pleases God in every way. Even if you don’t see that desire in Him, God knows his heart and can change his heart. As you pray for him, God can change your feelings toward him. There have been times when my prayer has been “God, change my heart for him and help me love him as You do.” God is faithful to those prayers that honor Him and honor our husbands. I hope you have read my books, When Women Walk Alone, and Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs. (It sounds like you have, as they are pretty much where you are, right now.) Please keep in touch and contact me via my website or email, anytime.
Nice article it is helpful for me superb.
I was looking for this praying God would give me some actual tools to use. Thank you thank you thank you. I desire to be a cheerleader for him. It’s the exact opposite of my personality so I needed very specific direction. Please pray for me that I become consistent. He absolutely deserves it. God bless you!
Thank you for your comment. And thank you for your desire to be his cheerleader. You are in my prayers.
I find it so difficult to be the only one that works at the marriage. I am the communicator. He says so little and when he responds, his comments seem to go in a different direction to change the course of the topic; something he has mastered because he feels it avoids conflict. We never get anything solved and he constantly tells me everything is great between us and says he doesn’t understand what is so wrong. We have been married 30 years and I have never felt acknowledged nor emotionally supported. His mother had caused many problems in our marriage and we no longer speak to her but it took 25 years for him to stand up to her. We live our lives but are detached, yet he says it’s all good and tells me I am crazy. I am his “caregiver” in the sense that I handle everything, even when raising the children when he stepped to the side and let me deal with any problems that came up. His job is going to work, which is good but that is the extent of his duty as a husband. Am I expecting too much to have a man support me emotionally and communicate better? He is definitely a zoner and likes being in his own world. Is this typical? I can’t express myself without him sighing, rolling his eyes and giving me the silent treatment. Maybe I am the one who doesn’t understand. Thank you.
Kit: Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I remember a day when I could’ve written the same thing you just did. I remember feeling that I wasn’t acknowledged or emotionally supported and my husband had no idea what I was talking about. I even pushed him to the eye-rolling and sighing stage. That’s when I realized something HAD to be done. Long story short, I wrote my first book, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, because I finally realized my husband could not meet me in all the ways I needed. Only God could. Then, years later, I decided it was time to stop looking at what my husband could do for me and to focus on how I could be what he needs, and that was when I wrote my book, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband. I believe a combination of those two things I learned (which are covered in those two books) really turned his heart around. They’ve helped other marriages too. After awhile our husbands stop listening when we constantly tell them what we need. But when we begin to look to God to meet our primary emotional needs and we start focusing on how to meet our husbands’ needs, God really does change our husbands’ hearts and ours.
Thank you. You are exactly correct in saying men stop listening to our needs. I also realize the only person that can change this is myself but I’m not sure I can do it without any cooperation on his part. I continue to pray.
Thank you for this write-up. Right now I need to find a way to get my husband closer to God. And to remeber to pray as he hardly does that these days. I have prayed night and day. I’m also hoping for the spark in our marriage to re-ignite someday. Most nights I’m exhausted and too tired to be the one to start anything or even CHEER!!
Thanks for your honesty, Dee, and for taking the time to leave a comment. Remember, it isn’t our obligation or task to get our husbands closer to God. I know it is your desire, and that’s only natural, but God will have to do a work in your husband’s heart in His own way and in His perfect timing. I know many marriages where the husband felt pushed to excel more spiritually and it backfired. It also isn’t fair to him. For help on this, see my book When a Woman Inspires Her Husband. I have a chapter in there on “Accepting Him Spiritually” that has really helped a lot of wives and marriages.