3 Reasons Why I’m Choosing Not to Worry Anymore

Cindi, thank you for sharing this powerful testimony and article. I’m learning to trust God and rely on Him even more during this time. This New Year for us began with a health issue for me, which in a short way the doctor described as a stress-breakdown or nervous breakdown. I’m currently off work on FMLA from Gallup but will be going back soon. Although in some ways it felt like a big spiritual attack and was hard, there have been many blessings that came along with it. I’m learning to slow down, rely on the Lord, be humbled and grateful for all He is teaching me. Your book looks amazing! Praying it blesses many moms and praying for you and your family. 🙂

I also find it hard to not worry even as a devout Christian. I have had similar experiences to you through the years and have spent many hours in prayer. Through very trying times, it seems that I must pray throughout the day. I find that it is hard for many of us to fully relinquish control to God and his purpose and will for our lives. This is something that I have been working strongly on for the past year. One practice in prayer that I have come across is actually a very old Christian tradition – Centering Prayer. I have been finding it to be helpful in the letting go of life and its troubles. God will continue to bless you and your family.

Dear Cindy,
Thanks indeed for sharing such personal information & still choosing not to worry. Recently decided to move along that path after a series of trials in my life. But God is forever faithful. We are pressed but not crushed, cast down but not destroyed! God bless you.

Hi Cindi,
I remember your kind hospitality at Valley Bible! I was living in No. County w my husband, near my mother and brother! Set on a new life ahead w all our earthly goods in storage.
There was a Mother’s Day Dinner at the church. Where our spouses were the servers. Mother and I were in the recieving line. You were there,
radiating graciousness, fortitude, patience, gentleness, kindness, greeting all. Going over the guest list, as we were introduced, you said ” It would be an honor if you and your mother would sit ay my table. ”
We had such a lovely welcome and tickled pink to be seated at The Pastor’ Wife’s Table?
You were present, but were busy on the sidelines making sure every thing went well for us.
The conversation at the table was minimal, we were so humbled and felt special that the men, hubby Nick, serving
us dinner w other men, including Pastor Hugh!
When the guest speaker was introduced, she emerged from our table! She shared how our lives are like a tapestry, quilt…God was in control of even seasons when things do not make sense. When our threads get all tangeled up. But when peiced together, makes a beautiful picture. No wonder there were superb quilts displayed all aroind us. Even one up for a raffle among other pretty gifts.
What an excellent message.
My husband and I attended VB for about a year. Then he had to return to The Bay Area because the only job he found was making pizzas at night. In the day, he delivered water samples throughout No County. Very adapted to SF, returned to a so called Egypt! He would send for me when he had a stable job and a new apt. ready.
My journey began with deep lonliness and despair, even as a woman of faith, there was nothing but to trust God and wait to demonstrate His promises.
I worked PT at a leading DRugstore. My mother decided to sell her home in foggy, depressing, lonely Bay Area and transitioned well to Vista. My brother helped care for us very well, he was attending Horizons School of Evangelism and working FT as an Engineer.
I began reading your books and appreciated: When Women Walk Alone.
Yes, in a desert of loneliness, found an oasis of blessing. This was a journey w our Lord that began in 2002 lasting a span of 13 years. Even when able to return to The Bay, both working FT, plugged into a good, strong Bible Church, closer to my children and grandchildren, never recovered from that season of living apart. The enemy of God delighted in subtle chipping away! Destroying our marriage from within through the internet. Became unbearable and no where to turn. The church is not equipped to deal w this addiction, nor confronting it. It is so called acceptable. He became a stranger and more isolated spending all waking hours behind his room divider.
His meals were even eaten infront of that monitor when our children visited.
Close friends and fam, even myself could not convince him of his addiction. Spiritually Blind, Bound with Compromises. But still attended church and mid week study each week.
After six years in our apt.
I decided to move away from my husband to give him space. Maybe he would realize somethings that I could not change.
So to No County I returned with a truck load of earthly goods. He helped me to move w our 7 year old grandchild. I rented a room from my brother who was preparing for marriage to a wonderful christian gal. I was living closer to my dear mother and we had such a blast each day. Returning to school, active at The Community Centers in Ukulele and Hula, adventure excursions w Mom through town. I returned to VBible, where my to be sis in law, had attended Awana’s back in the day. She was at Horizon’s w my brother. I decided to attend North Coast, closer to home in Vista. You and Hugh were transitioning to move and being at VB only made me miss my hubby all the more. I could not turn back, not at this stage. It would be detrimental.
My mother had some health issues and this was a concern, being her health advocate. We discovered she had a mild stroke which caused her a slight limp and sudden hearing impairment. She was fully ambulatory and content continuing to manage her beautiful home and all that God entrusted to her.
Everyday was like a vacation for me. Lonliness set in mostly at night, overcome with grief waiting on the Lord for direction, healing andg, much prayer. Joy comes in the morning.
Mom and I worked diligently for months making table decors, flower arrangements, bouquets, boutineers, party favors for the upcoming wedding of my brother.
It was summer, I went swimming everyday and lost 20 lbs.
It was a highlight in the fam as my parents had 5 daughters, one son. We gals were all married w kids for decades. Now, it was our brother’s turn.
What a celebration!
Everyone was invited, but my husband chose not to attend.
I had basically slapped him in the face by moving away. He still did not understand why, or refused to man up to our problems.
Mom never knew the reason why I left SF.
She had an inkling but never discussed.
A woman of faith and had received Christ as her Savior. Fervently prayed for all her fam. Then, suddenly, in the Fall, she was ushered to Glory in her sleep!
Another time to gather this time, in deep sorrow and in Celebration of Mother’s Life. Nick attended w our children and grandaughter. It meant so much to be together. I was actually having anxiety to bid them goodbye after the services. Without mom, my brother and his wife were preparing to serve in Thailand as missionaries! I had my friends and church. Seemed so over whelming.
My brother dropped the bucket and advised me to return home to The Bay Area W Nick. I would need my family to get through this loss. He provided the funds to rent and load up the moving truck. Nkck told me all my close friends from church were looking forward to me returning. Even my former employer at The Door Christian Bookstore would hire me back. My brother was going to work w my sister whom were Executor’s of Mom’s Estate. She had it secured through a Living Trust. What was I to do? I knew the pain of lonliness, my world seemed to have shattered more and more as the days, months, year passed.
So 3 days after the funeral, the truck was loaded and Nick drove it, following me home to SF.
I moved to NV. In 2010. He decided to stay in the Bay to retire from his job. So basically, we decided after 1 year, one day a month of Fam counseling, decided to stay together. Living in different states until 2014, retiring and moved home permanently to NV.
We were estranged. His internet activities continued as I went to my work FT and returned, he never budged.
A year passed and it was a challenge adjusting. We had grown apart, I was on the back burner. He buried me and his life comsumed w that device. I threw it in the toilet and could of been electricuted.
It did not change things. Just blamed for immature behavior.
Attended Recovery Ministry at Chruch for support.
I learned so much about myself but this issue remains taboo in the church. Only the person who recognizes they have an issue beyond their control can turn it over to The Lord. We arw all sinners! Can be saved by His Grace.
I BELIEVE the Lord is always at work, despite the fact that it is unseen. He is Sovereign and has a plan for each one of our lives. We do have to pay the consequences for our actions.BUT yet, Grace is for Everyone. I know My Redeemer Lives and if Faithful even when we are not. HIS LOVINGKINDNESS is better than life. Mercies, new every morning.
THIS battle is not over yet, but Jesus is more mighty, victorious, powerful over all sin and darkness.
HIS NAME be Glorified, Magnified in all the Earth!