After losing my mom to cancer a year ago, I realized grief was a rather complex emotion. And a necessary one. And my friend, Audrey, wrote a book just in time to help.
Dr. Audrey Davidheiser, a licensed psychologist and certified IFS therapist, wrote Grieving Wholeheartedly that helped me understand what was going on among the different aspects of my heart and soul while I was grieving.
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one, I believe Audrey’s story below (and her book that is about to release) can help you, too, get to that place where you can experience joy again. God is there to comfort you. But He also places people in your life who can help.
Here’s Audrey, sharing with you her experience grieving the sudden loss of her father–and if you post a comment at the end of the blog, you could be eligible to win a free copy of her book:
Has grief ever ambushed you like it did me?
The most recent episode happened while I was traveling to Denver to promote my book, Grieving Wholeheartedly, which owes its existence to the unexpected demise of my father—a kind and humble man.
While en route to my airport gate, I spotted a transparent plexiglass wall separating bustling passengers from the rest of the floor—where rows of seats sat empty. Between me and the silent part of the airport stood a staircase, leading to a lower level, where boxes and crates and cabinets congregated.
The stairs were clearly unfinished: meticulously cut pieces of woods rested on top of each step. Wooden rails, unpainted, ran the length of the stairs.
I stared at the staircase for several beats. Warmth climbed my chest as the cordoned-off site before my eyes faded into another set of wooden steps. The years dissolved as I saw a chubby toddler that was me, clutching her mother’s hand while climbing a wooden staircase in the house her father was building.
After their wedding, my parents scrimped and saved by first renting a room, then a house, before securing enough money to build their own abode. But their meager finances didn’t affect me. Both parents showered me with love. Both were present. To that little girl, that was all that mattered.
Sweet memories of having my dad around, young and handsome, saturated my soul while I stood rooted at the airport’s construction site. I miss Papa so much. I wish he were still here.
At this thought heat reached my eyes, poised to spill into tears.
The moment confronted me with two options. Option #1 was to stifle the rising grief while setting a brisk pace to find my gate. Gotta catch my flight. A public place with a million eyeballs around is no place to grieve, much less sob.
If you’ve sensed grief’s sneak attack and snatched this option to fend it off, there’s no condemnation here. Our culture is decidedly grief-phobic. We celebrate births, weddings, the young and exciting, but that’s it. Even though the opposite side—the end of life—carries as much meaning, the mental load surrounding death and loss makes it cumbersome to observe grief. That’s why most would rather skip mourning.
Grief is messy. Opinionated. Pushy. But unless we gently attend to it, grief will pierce us (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV), and sometimes during inconvenient times.
Which is why, back at the Denver plexiglass, I leaned on option #2 instead. I met my grief with compassion. While one hand wiped at my moist eyes, the other touched my heart. I assured the younger part of me—the part that recalled walking up and down wooden steps under my parents’ close supervision—how pleasant that memory was, and how dearly I missed my dad.
The details of your grief may be widely different than mine, but one thing I know: your soul has parts too. The apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 12:14, “Even so, the body is not made up of one part but of many.” Since God created us spirit, soul, and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23), and since He’s a God of patterns, we can take Paul’s words and apply them to the soul.
Having a soul with many parts doesn’t make you crazy. It makes you human.
Which parts of your soul are hurting? Get to know them. This also means getting to know the parts that censure your grief, similar to the thoughts represented by option #1 above. Any restrictions regarding expressing your grief likely originate from parts of your soul that wish to protect you—from embarrassment, overwhelm, or something else. (Hence the need to familiarize yourself with these parts, so you can discover their reasons).
I wouldn’t advise you to befriend your soul if I haven’t done it myself. My preferred way is Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful way to help all parts of our soul. I’d taken the time to sit with my parts and bawl and bombard God with innumerable questions about the situation surrounding my dad’s death. And so, when grief seized me in public—like what happened at the airport—it didn’t unravel me. I could feel the sadness of losing my dad and still respond in a calm manner.
Grief can be demanding. If you’re mourning a loss or need further support, you can find out more in my forthcoming book, Grieving Wholeheartedly, now available for pre-order.
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you (2 Corinthians 13:14) as you grieve.
Dr. Audrey Davidheiser (www.aimforbreakthrough.com) is a licensed psychologist in California, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now provides IFS therapy for trauma survivors, including those with religious trauma, and assists in IFS trainings. She has been a regular writer for Crosswalk.com and columnist for iBelieve.com. Her book, Grieving Wholeheartedly (InterVarsity Press, July 2025) is on how IFS helps the grieving process. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @DrAudreyD.
Would you like to win a free copy of Audrey’s book? Leave a comment below, telling us why, along with the U.S. state where you live, and Audrey will select a winner to receive her book when it releases in July. (U.S. mailing addresses only please. The winner will be announced on this comment thread on July 1, 2025).
This book sounds amazing! I’m in the middle of grieving the loss of a relationship.
Kelsey, thank you for letting us know how you could use this book. Lost relationships hurt so deeply. My heart goes out to you right now.
I’m sorry for your loss! I pray my book will help you heal.
A dear friend, in her mid-30s, unexpectedly lost her mom in an ATV accident last September. At the time of her mom’s accident my friend was expecting her sixth baby. When a new baby enters the home, a woman wants (needs) her mom. Her joy is intertwined with sorrow. My friend has a kind and sensitive heart, and she loves Jesus and others deeply, but this loss has rocked her world. I’d love to share this book with her as she continues to grieve the loss of her precious mom. Thank you for the chance to do so.
Thank you, Sally, for letting us know what your dear friend is going through and wanting to share Audrey’s book with her. Please let us know if you have a U.S. mailing address as I have blog readers from all over the world.
Norma Sara
Loss of the love of my life. It’s been 1 year and I still carry an overwhelming sadness that creeps up on me often. I never got a chance to say goodbye since we were long distance. Please pray for me. Thank you.
My prayers are with you, Norma. <3
Within the last week, a friend’s spouse died of cancer, and my brother’s 10 yr old grandson died suddenly after an accident. I made a doctor appt for myself yesterday because my heart literally hurts after so much sadness. I know God has a plan and that He numbers our days, but this all felt like such a blow. I’d love to discover helpful ways to grieve with my whole heart through your book—and then pass it on to others (my friend, brother, niece) who are hurting even more than I am.
Lisa, thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to Audrey’s guest blog. I’m sorry your heart literally hurts right now from all the loss you’ve seen. While the heart is a physical organ, it’s also affected by how we feel emotionally — one of the intricacies and mysteries in how God uniquely designed us. He sees your tears. Please let us know which U.S. state you live in or email me that info at Cindi@strengthforthesoul.com. Thank you. 🙂
I cannot wait to read your book and allow it to minister to my soul. I have encountered many forms of of grief in the past several years…the grief of loss of relationships and loss of trust through experiencing religious trauma during Covid, the grief of walking through the death of my good friend’s husband alongside her and her six small children, the grief of a diagnosis of a bone disease of my once active ten year old son which has rendered him confined to crutches, a wheelchair and a walker for the foreseeable future, the grief of witnessing my father slowly slip away as dementia steals his personality and ability to make new memories with his family, and the grief of a sudden, tragic accident that stole the earthly life of my neighbor’s fourteen year old son who was best friends with my fourteen year old son. Over the past four years, my family has been no stranger to loss and the associated grief that accompanies it. I have realized through these painful experiences in these recent years that, while we need to be able to step into grief and acknowledge its purpose in our life and the lives of those around us, we don’t know how to do this very well. I am a firm believer in the value of the ministry of presence but have watched people scatter and have experienced silence and isolation in these painful seasons of grief. I am passionate about learning how to gently move near to both myself and my emotions and experiences while grieving, and also learning how to best support and nurture others who find themselves reeling from loss, as well. It is so important that we learn to do this in an honoring way for ourselves and others. It is an important part of life and relationship to self and others. It is part of learning how to love well and to honor God as we do. I am so eager to read your book and to apply what I learn to my life, and to share the principles with others who find themselves walking through the complexities of grief, as well. This is so vital and important as we navigate grief and support others who are grieving. Thank you for writing such an important book that I trust will minister to countless sojourners on this painful, often confusing, many times lonely and even debilitating wilderness of grief. The Lord has created us to be able to lament and grieve. It is Biblical. We just need to learn how to walk through it with an eternal hope and a deep seated joy that transcends our circumstances so that we might receive the comfort that the Lord offers us and then be able to offer that comfort to others who find themselves on the grief journey, as well. May this book find itself into the hearts, minds and hands of many desperate for guidance and direction and help for their souls as they grieve. Thank you for recognizing this need and meeting it with the wisdom and encouragement the Lord has given you to share through this book. May the souls of many individuals and entire communities experience comfort and healing.
Thank you, Kristi, for your beautiful words about how we were created with the ability to lament and grieve, “We just need to learn how to walk through it with an eternal hope and a deep-seated joy that transcends our circumstances…” I (Cindi) so agree, and I can personally relate to your sadness at watching your father “slowly slip away as dementia steals his personality and ability to make new memories with his family.” You have put into words what I have been feeling with my own own father this past year. Thank you for that. Audrey and I would love to know if you live in the U.S., so you can can be eligible to win the book.
I would love to win a book for grieving many losses over decades: parents divorce ripple effect 40+ years ago, those parents decline now with early Alzheimer’s and the losses that also involve my life now-but especially recent past 4 years: bacterial infection that ravaged my body-basically eating holes in my heart, spine, ruptured aneurysms in my right arm, abdomen & brain. By Gods mercy & grace, I’m alive and considered a walking miracle. But the remnants ongoing health trials, challenging marriage trials and being alone often-and dreams of enjoying my dreams in retirement bring me to tears often. I don’t want to wallow in unbelief or ingratitude to my Savior, but lately I’m fighting more sorrow & tests. Thank you!
Thank you, Carrie, for letting Audrey and me know what you are going through and why you’d like to win a copy of the book. Please let us know if you’re a U.S. resident.
Deb D. , Minnesota.
Being a pastors’s wife gives me ample opportunity to sit with grieving people. I look for books to recommend to others. Would like to read this one.
Thank you, Deb. And thanks for letting us know your ministry, as well as the fact that you’re there in Minnesota. 🙂
I am mourning the sudden death of my precious husband just over 20 months ago. But the Triune God I worship has held me in His arms throughout my grief, and holds me still.
I lost my Godmother who was my angel here on earth. She was also my aunt who cared for me as Gods child. Her strong faith and trust in God helped her peaceful pass in my family’s arms. I would enjoy reading this book and use it as an outreach tool to comfort others. May God bless you this day!
Thank you, Jennifer, for taking the time to read Audrey’s guest blog and leave a comment.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read Audrey’s guest post and leave a comment on the blog, telling us why you’d like to have the book. Congratulations to Deb D. in Minnesota for winning the book.