In my ongoing blog series “Questions Women Ask,” one reader wrote:
“I want to restore my marriage to greater than before. This is a second marriage for the both of us and we have a lot of things fighting against us — ex-spouses, children, and other things the enemy uses against us. How can I win back my husband’s heart & restore my marriage?”
And another reader wrote:
I’m in empty nest now. It’s different. Time for me and my husband to reconnect. I want to make him happy in every way. Help! I want him to want me like he did when he met me!
In my book, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, I point out some simple ways to resuscitate the romance and recapture your husband’s heart. I refer to it as performing CPR on our husbands to help them “get back that loving feeling” toward us. These are some practical things you can do every day:
C – Come Alongside Him: Every man wants a team-mate. A partner. Someone to help him, share his burden, lighten his load. When you help your husband, with an attitude that wants to see him win, you are saying to him “I believe in you. I want to partner with you. I’m on your side.”
You can come alongside your husband by asking him “What can I do to make your day go smoother?” and then doing your best to follow through. Or, try asking “How can I pray for you today?” By showing him your heart to help him, no matter what it entails, you are convincing him that you’re on his team and you want him to win.
P – Praise the Positives: Men are wired to want to win. And when a man feels like he’s winning at home, he will want to be there more often, and he’ll feel like he can go out and win everywhere else, too. So, let him know what he’s doing right.
Start letting him know the things you appreciate about him. Move next to the things you admire about him. Your husband does have some really good qualities (or you wouldn’t have married him in the first place), but you might have forgotten them or just not mentioned them in awhile. When you start praising the positives in him you’ll find those positives become more and more apparent. In other words, if your husband knows he’s winning with you at something, he’ll keep doing it.
R – Respond to Him Enthusiastically: A man whose wife is excited about the things that he’s interested in, eager to try new things with him, and positive about his suggestions can get closer to his heart. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything he says. Just be positive and encouraging more than you’re critical and it will go a long way.
Here are some ways to respond enthusiastically:
- Ask him about his interests.
- Practice saying “sure” with a smile.
- Ask to join him in something he enjoys doing.
- Offer to make plans with him to go somewhere he’d like to visit, or to help him with a project he’d like to complete.
Your sudden interest — and enthusiasm — may take him by surprise, but it will be a nice surprise. Reach to find what it is the two of you can share in common again and then make it happen. It will be worth the effort.
Finally, be the woman you were when the two of you were dating. By this I mean do the things you used to do when you first started seeing him. In Revelation 2:4-5, Jesus told the church in Ephesus how it had gotten stale in its relationship with Him. He told that church it had lost its first love. His instruction for her to get her fire back was to remember the height from which she had fallen and then to “Repent and do the things you did at first.”
You and I have certain things we “did at first” that attracted our husbands to us and, even more importantly, that made them feel loved and desired by us. Make your husband feel attractive again. Show him respect like you once did. Compliment him as often as you used to. Drop what you’re doing, once again, to take his calls, respond to his requests, and assure him that he’s first in your heart.
Be the woman your husband can’t resist by being the woman he originally fell in love with. Be the woman who treats him like you once did. And by doing so, you may find that suddenly he, too, is the man you once knew.
What will you begin today today to turn his heart back toward you? I’d love for you to share it with me in the comment section below.