I had just returned from a 10-day trip to North Africa with my family. I had heavy jet lag and a week left to turn in my book manuscript, that was already given a one-month extension. And as I was clearing my schedule to focus on nothing else that week but finishing my book, I received the call.
My mom had stage 4 non-smoker’s lung cancer. What started as a spot on her lung a few months earlier had quickly spread to her chest cavity, pelvis, bones, and lymph nodes. She was given less than six months to live. It turned out to be two!
Immediately my mind tried to figure it out or fix it.
Do I fly across the country to see her right now?
Do I take my husband and daughter with me too as this might be their last opportunity to see her?
How long do we really have?
What about this book I have to finish?
I knew better than to think This couldn’t have come at a worse time. Because I know by now that all God’s ways are perfect (according to Psalm 18:30)—including His timing—and He still has the ability to work all things for good in my life, and my mom’s.
As much as I tried to control it or figure it all out, I realized I couldn’t. God is in control. And this did not take Him by surprise. I realized then that God is not the God of panic, but the God of peace. He’s not the God of chaos or confusion, but of calm. He’s not the God of stress, but of rest.
Whenever I tried to do something—book a flight, coordinate my visit schedule with my siblings, figure out what I couldn’t figure out, there was stress. A racing pulse. Frustration. But whenever I stepped back and opened my palms before Him and prayed “I trust You, Jesus” there was only peace. Warm, blanketing, incomprehensible peace. I didn’t know it at the time, but my Loving Heavenly Father was working out every detail of the timing of her passing, including who would be there, what she and each of her children needed, and how He’d supply it.
Cancer is horrible. Death is a ravaging destroyer. But only God can bring peace and a supernatural rest in Him during a time that might otherwise be devastating.
Some said my mom was in denial, but there was no denying her relationship with Jesus. And because of that, she showed an extraordinary amount of peace up til the end. She and I had begun to have precious phone conversations nearly every day and I felt that was enough for my closure. I trusted God and His goodness and love in determining the day my mom would be born, and the day she would leave this earth as well.
All our days were ordained before Him before there was any of them,” Psalm 139: tells us. And “precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones” (Psalm 116:15). Yet, also precious in the sight of the Lord is the hearts of those who remain in the wake of losing a mom.
God arranged for my sister to have precious moments with my mom just prior to her entering her last week of life. And He divinely arranged for me and my youngest brother to be there, at her side, as she drew her last breath. He is good. He is loving. And He is merciful. How much I didn’t know of His awesome plans. How very much I have to be grateful for today.
I have learned three things in the midst of what has been the most traumatic time of my life as I slowly, (yet so quickly) watched my mother die:
- God is faithful. If plans or hopes or expectations crumble, our foundation never will. God is steady. He is stable. He is our rock. And the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases (Lamentations 3:23).
- God’s peace and presence is real—even when there’s no explanation for it other than God. His grace shows up for every need that we have. Always.
- The body of Christ is beautiful—and God’s gift to us when we need to sense or feel the hands and heart of Jesus.
Perhaps God wanted me to know, as I wrapped up my forthcoming book, The New Loneliness, that He sends His arms to hug us, and His words to comfort us, and His hope to ignite us through other believers…to sustain us and help prepare us for what He knows lies ahead. And to be there for us as we adjust to life in a “new normal.”
In the midst of struggle—mine, and my mom’s, and my siblings’—God is good. In the midst of what otherwise might be panic, God brings peace. In the midst of what could be confusing and even chaotic, God’s presence brings the calm.
I would rather go through a long dark night of struggles with my God leading the way, than to dance about on my own during the light of day.
What seems to be falling apart around you? I encourage you to:
- Know God is there to get you through and pull you closer to Him than you’ve ever been.
- Lean in ever closer to Christ your Rock, your Refuge, your Never-Changing Bulwark of Protection, your Unswerving Peace.
- Remember this unchanging truth: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble, therefore we will not fear though the earth (and everything about it) should change” (Psalm 46:2).
How can I pray for you this week as it feels like your life is crumbling? Please let me know in the comment section below.
Thank you for sharing. My husband was told to send his sister home when she was in the hospital. His parents didn’t want to do it. They left that to him. He heard a voice the morning of to send her home. He asked if I said anything? He did hold her hand and put earphones on her with worship music. Shared scripture with her and knew he did what he was supposed to but it still hurts him today. If you can pray for him?
Thank you and God bless you!
Christina Sandoval
Christina, I absolutely know what it’s like to hear that nudging voice to help someone go to their eternal home. To encourage them, as they are slipping away, that “it’s time to see Jesus” and “We will see you soon.” Yet, even though we are helping another person emotionally transition from this earth into eternity there is a level of trauma involved. We just ween’t meant to witness death and be okay with it. God created us to live forever with Him on an earth that was sinless where we would never have to die or be separated from our loved ones. Our humanity repels at the thought of dying or watching someone else die, but it is comforting when we realize we are simply being there with them and God ultimately decides when someone leaves this earth. Life is in God’s hands, and He sometimes trusts one of us to help that person emotionally make the transition peacefully and know it’s okay to let go of their hold on this earth. I will pray for your husband and that He will experience God’s peace as well as the healing from the post traumatic stress of having to watch and help his sister pass from this earth. Thank you for reaching out. 🙂
Can you please pray for me. My oldest son has stop talking to me because of his Fiance’. She manipulates him, and she hates the relationship that we have. I pray every day for my son in hopes that he snaps out of this.
I’m sorry, Anna, at how you feel you are losing your son. Keep praying for him and I suggest you pray for his fiance’s heart to soften toward you and toward God. I have always seen and experienced God’s answer to the prayer “Please soften his/her heart.”
Fantastic article as always! My daughter is in a new relationship with a man. He seems to be a “good guy” but she is staying part time with him and part time with us. She’s almost 29 years old so I understand she is fully independent and autonomous to make her own choices and decisions but it really “bothers me” that she is t married and I presume there having sex. Could you pray for wisdom for me on how I should navigate this situation. I am also protective of her because she’ll recently got out of an emotionally abusive marriage.
Also could use prayer for my marriage, physical health and “next steps” for my life. I have been in the mental health field for 40 years and I believe I have some things to offer others outside of the counseling arena ie blogging, public speaking, writing, pod cast, launching a ministry etc. appreciate your work and thanks for your prayers! God Bless!
Don
Thank you for sharing your prayer request about your daughter. Although it breaks your heart at the decision she is making, continue to love her as God would. It is our love for our children that helps them see our faith in God is real, not our rules or our strictness or our rejection of them if they aren’t living obediently. God understands the heart that breaks over a child’s lifestyle or ungodly decisions and He will strengthen you to love her back to the Lord.
Thank you for this message, especially for the reminder, “this did not take Him by surprise” ♥. I would also like to express my sincere condolences to you and your family.
Thank you, Sweet Teri. It’s always good to hear from you. Thank you for being a voice that pops in to encourage me when most needed. I love you, sister.
Hi Cindi,
This article expresses in words what my life is right now. My mum passed last Thursday and it has left a pain I can’t explain. I have only one way out of this phase of life and it’s to trust Him completely. My one assurance is in His promise to make it all work together for my good. In the meantime I miss my mum.
Oh, Ada, I miss my mom, too. But Jesus knows, He hears our cries, He can comfort our hearts. I’m so encouraged to know that you have assurance in God and HIs Word. He does work all things for our good when we love Him and surrender to Him and He works them for good by making us more like Jesus through them Romans 8:28-29). Keep your eyes on Jesus. We will get through this, sister. 🙂
My adult daughter will not speak to me and will not allow me to see my granddaughter. It’s tearing up my soul. This is been going on, on and off for about two years. I feel very alone.
Lord Jesus, You know the situation that is causing Laura’s heart to break. O Lord, would You soften Laura’s daughter’s heart so she will move toward her mother in reconciliation. You are the God of reconciliation, the God of forgiveness, the One who can change and soften hearts and bring unity once again.Would you mend this tear in the family and cause them to show love toward one another once again. In Jesus’ capable name, I pray this. Amen.
So sorry about your Mum passing Cindi 🙏
I’m in New Zealand and had the most beautiful experience of receiving a hug from Jesus – I have gone through hard times in my life and a few years ago I was in prayer with two ladies they were praying for me and I started getting this huge hug – I can still feel it now – I was being physically hugged and so much warmth was going through me – it kept going so I looked up at the ladies and said oh my goodness I’m being given a big hug – they both looked at me with huge smiles and said they saw Jesus hugging me 🙏🙏 such an amazing experience after what I’ve gone through in life – a real comfort to me🙏but the amazing thing is the next day I was walking to work ( work at Auckland City Mission who help the homeless ) I was about to turn the corner and this lady with her shopping trolley full of her clothes – ( think she might have been homeless ) would not take her eyes off me so I stopped at the corner and waited for her to cross the road – she stopped when she got to me – parked her trolley to the side – put her arms out towards me and said “can I have a hug” so I gave her a big hug – this is the day after I had that beautiful hug from God 🙏 then the next day the same thing happened with a different lady – I was outside our warehouse and a lady walking past asked me where Corrections was as she had an appointment there, same thing she put her arms out and asked for a hug which I gave her, the next day the same thing happened with another lady! Such a blessing!!!
I have told a few people if this experience and they have been very thankful to hear it ! Thank you for the amazing work you do Cindi! I bought a couple of of your books years and years ago and they are amazing – I have one to a friend that really needed to read it but I’m missing it 😢 Could you please pray for me Cindi been feeling a bit low lately – thank you- your work is such a blessing – thank you so much!! 🙏🙏🙏
Kelly, thank you for your precious story. What goes around comes around in the name of Jesus. He sends us hugs and comfort and care so we can pass it on to others. What love that He has shown you and equipped you to pass on. Thank you for being a reader. Hopefully my new book, The New Loneliness, will be available in Australia in January, as have so many of my other books. I always enjoy hearing from my Aussie readers. 🙂 Keep in touch, Kelly.
Please pray for my family. My son is making the right but difficult decision to do what is best for his beautiful little boy. Please Lord get us through this difficult season. Jesus I trust in You.
Lord, thank You that You know all that is on Lorraine’s and her son’s heart concerning her grandson. Thank You that You love this child, too. Give them wisdom, guidance, and Your presence as they follow You and trust Your lead.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Cindi. I lost my Precious Husband to cancer 2 years ago. He suffered through four long years of chemo and immunotherapy. We had been married 46 years. I feel alone at times
But I know God will continue to help me with this. He has a plan for me although I don’t know what that is for now. My faith is what is keeping me going 💟. God bless you. Take care, Cindi.
Thank you, Sue, for taking the time to leave your comment and letting me know how I can pray for you. You, too, have suffered loss and continue to look to God as your source of strength which is a strong testimony. Thank you for encouraging my heart. I am praying that God’s presence will not let you feel alone in the days to come.
Dear Cindi,
I have much enjoyed your ministry through your blog and your books, here in the UK .
I became a Christian in my teens, nearly 50 years ago, and have been married for 37 years with a daughter now in her early 30s.
Thank you for your post and it has been such an encouragement.
If I may I would like to share that in the last 3 or 4 years I have been through the most testing time of my Christian life. However the reason for this comment is to encourage by saying that I can honestly and absolutely attest to finding strength in the Joy of the Lord (as Nehemiah).It really is not about what” happens”…
My dear father died suddenly at home just before the pandemic. My mother, who, as far as I know, was not a Christian, could not understand the pandemic and because we now live150 miles from the family home she couldn’t understand why I could not visit during Covid. My brother and sister in law who lived closer took over everything and communicated little. Our daughter was working abroad in Europe and it was a difficult time of grieving.
In the middle of Covid, I was then diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and other treatments. My elderly mother could not accept my diagnosis and in the end, in exasperation, my husband wrote to her and sent some photos of me without hair. I heard little from the family and the family estate and my mother’s day to day life was organised by my brother. In the end she did seem to understand what the situation was.
My mother was determined to stay in her own home and in the end had her wish as some months later she died at home in her chair having her afternoon sleep. I was not able to attend her funeral because of Covid and receiving chemotherapy and so watched it online. It was not the send off that I know that she would have wanted and many of those whom she knew had not been told about it. It was all deeply upsetting.
Thereafter matters have been extremely stressful.
Then, seven months ago, apart from dealing with the breast cancer Iwas additionally diagnosed with metastatic melanoma cancer which has now spread. I am blessed to be referred to one of the world’s top cancer hospitals in London where I am now , after further major surgery, receiving immunotherapy to try and slow things down. The treatment and side effects are tough and the fatigue and lymphoedema are debilitating but I am grateful for every day that the Lord gives.
My husband and daughter give wonderful support and am also grateful for the prayers and love ofChristian friends.
Through all this drama, which emerged out of the blue over the last few years, I am learning day by day that trusting the Lord and accepting Hiscontrol is the answer to feeling a sense peace and being able to handle things. He really does lead us by the still waters of Psalm 23. I honestly could not do this in my own strength. God in His mercy equips us and like you, I have realised this looking back at the circumstances that seemed absolutely impossible when in the midst of them. And if it is His will to call me Home I am not afraid of dying although I do pray each day that He would in His mercy give me more time. I would love to see my daughter married and to be a grandmother. Much more importantly my husband and I would love to see her return to faith in the Lord.
His ways may not be my ways however ….
Thank you so much Cindi for sharing your experiences.
I send you love in Christ and I shall pray for you and that the Lord will strengthen you at this difficult time in your life and richly bless you in your ministry for Him.
Pamela, thank you so much for sharing your story with me and my readers. What a testimony you have of the goodness and faithfulness and love of our Heavenly Father. I have not endured even close to what you have been through. Yet, your song of faithfulness encourages me as the time approaches when I will lose my Dad. I will be praying for your health, for more time, and for God to turn your daughter’s heart back toward Him, which I know is the greatest gift you could receive, as her Mom. I will remember to pray for you, Pamela, in Jesus’ capable name. 🙂 <3
Thank you for all you have shared and your open heart.
My 88 year old mother has just been diagnosed with alzheimers and dementia, which my 2 siblings and i suspected.
My wonderful 31 year old son went to heaven 7 years ago, my amazing husband of 27 years died in my arms 2 years ago, my kind and gentle 18 year old nephew also went to heaven 2 years ago, after a tragic accident falling from a mountain in front of, his father, my brother.
I have told God i don’t feel able for this heartbreaking journey with my mother, who has been such a rock throughout my life. However, i know Jesus has sustained me and held me through the past few years of heartache. I have to choose to be thankful for all He has given to me, rather than my pain and the broken-ness.
I will cling to Him and cry in His arms when life becomes unbearable.
God bless you and thank you.
Oh Lesley, thank you for sharing YOUR heart and all you are going through. I’m encouraged by your mindset and your surrender, that you will cling to Him and trust Him to be there for all you need, When I hesitated to go and stay with my mom for what I thought would be just two weeks (and all my siblings would take a two-week shift) my sister, who was already there with her, kept telling me “God’s grace will be there for you with every step you take, and for all that you need. He will meet you here” and He surely did. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do but the most growing and the most precious time with her and my Jesus. You are in my prayers and you ARE able for this because your Jesus is strengthening you every step of the way. He sees you as able to do this through His power and He’s chosen you for this precious privilege. Please keep in touch and I will keep praying for you, my friend.
I can certainly relate to your mom’s passing. I took care of my mom her last year at my house. it was hard but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. She passed away Thanksgiving Day 2017. There’s just something about a mother/daughter relationship that can’t be explained. My brother died of Covid 2021. My dad died 42 years ago. I’m the only one left from my original family.
Please pray for me trying to recover from my total shoulder replacement. My bone cracked during surgery when they hammered the stem in so my recovery is taking longer than expected. I’m 70 yrs old and I have two fake knees, one fake hip, one fake shoulder and a metal rod down the length of my thigh. I ordered myself a bionic woman tee shirt that I’m wearing when I can once again wear tee shirts. Right now it’s only button up shirts.
Oh Gail, so good to hear from you and thank you for sending your encouragement my way now and then. And thank you for still opening and reading my blogs after all these years since I visited Tuscaloosa. It’s good to know you understand that experience of caring for a mom at the very end. You are the last one here from your family but you don’t escape our Father’s notice. He just keeps giving you new parts to keep you here and functioning a little longer. I love your sense of humor through it all. You truly are the bionic woman by now. Send me a pic once you’re able to wear that t-shirt. I will rejoice in your healing along with you. In the meantime, you are in my prayers for a quick and thorough recovery from your shoulder replacement. Love and blessings to you.
My son’s family!
Linda, I am praying for your son’s family today. God knows the details and I trust He will also hold your heart as you continue to pray for them.
I’m so sorry Cindi. I know how sad it is to not have your Mother around to talk to and see. But praise the Lord she is with Jesus and you will see her again💗
Hi Diane, thank you for taking the time to encourage me in this way. Yes, we have the hope of heaven, through Christ Jesus, and that does help to know this earth is not where it all ends. I’ve been reading Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven, and it is so encouraging and insightful, and backed by Scripture. I had intended to share it with Mom, but didn’t get a chance to read through it before she passed. But I did get to encourage her heart when she asked near the end “What’s heaven like”” I know that she is now experiencing the wonders of heaven in the presence of Jesus.
Good morning Cindy. I am very grateful for all the answered prayers and promises that have been fulfilled in mine and my family life. At this point in time I feel work is overwhelming. I need a lot of peace and calm. My health is not so good. Please pray for my family at large. I feel we are under spiritual attack. I pray for deliverance from all dark covenants that were made for us to go away. May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding calm the storm in our lives. I ask all in Jesus name, Amen.
I, too, pray for God’s peace to surround you and your family and shield you from the enemy’s attack. Lord, give this family calm in the midst of confusion and your overwhelming peace where there is overwhelming stress. In Jesus’ Name.
Hello, Cindi.
I’m sorry for your loss and the emotional angst it brings. I lost my mom unexpectedly last October and life has been nothing but turmoil since. Three weeks after her passing, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. As an only child, I felt God calling me to drop my life, move across the country away from my children, and be there for him. Had our relationship been strong and positive, this decision wouldn’t have been so difficult. But he’s a hard man who shows little appreciation for the sacrifices I’m making for him. And on top of all this, God has felt distant. As I sit amongst moving boxes, I still wonder if I heard correctly. But the wheels are in motion, so I’m taking it day by day and praying for His still, small voice to reassure me of His presence and blessing.
Take care,
Jennifer
Oh Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. (My Dad’s cancer is back, as well, and I may be losing him next.) You are honoring God by honoring your dad and being there for him even if you’re not feeling that appreciation. My prayer for you today is that God will soften your dad’s heart and he will be able to express even a little of his heart toward you as a gift to you from your Heavenly Father. And dear one, know that when God seems distant, we are the ones who have gradually moved away, not Him. I am praying, too, that you will sense His presence in the little things, His favor on you daily, and His comfort over you as you sleep at night. Our faith kicks in when we don’t “feel” Him and His leading, yet we can be assured He is good, He is ever-present, and He takes care of His own. Please let me know how it goes. I will keep praying for you. In Christ’s love and comfort, Cindi.
God’s presence brings the calm!
Cindy,
your Mom will no longer be with you physically but you have reassurance she is with the Lord. Good memories with your Mom will stay in your heart forever. When family is in denial it’s another story. Personally I always loved and look forward for your posts, always the Lord speaking and makes me reflect on what life is really about. May the Lord embrace your family with His peace and love in this moments 🙏🏻 thank you for always being an inspiration!
Hayde, thank you for such sweet, encouraging words. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your heart and your wisdom with me, as well. Many blessings to you. I’m honored to have you as a reader. 🙂
Dearest Cindi,
I am so sorry. What beautiful wisdom. You are in my prayers <3
Blessings,
Chery
Thank you, Chery, for your kind words and for your prayers. 🙂
Your words are valuable. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my mom when I was 33, and 25 years later I still miss her a lot. She was the one I could go to to talk, without receiving judgment.
Loneliness is tough! I’m in a remote job where I’m very lonely. And I felt I had to take it because I was desperate for income, couldn’t get another job. (Though I didn’t have peace about taking the job). I’d appreciate prayer that I would be able to sense God’s presence with me, and know where to go for meaningful employment.
Cindi,
I am so sorry for your loss of your mom. I know that God has His arms wrapped around you and will give you peace. Could you please pray for a friend of mine who just lost her husband. He went to be with the Lord two days before their 58th wedding anniversary. She needs our prayers, could you please pray for her to find comfort.
Thank you and God Bless
Thank you for your kind words, Mary. Yes, I will be praying for your friend who lost her husband of 58 years. Thank you for letting me know.
Precious sister my heart goes out to you with the loss of your dear mom. Nothing can replace her love and care for you and your family. But I know from experience our God can and does meet our deepest needs. God shows Himself real and personal during these difficult times. Giving us windows of hope during the pain. His timing is perfect in your mom’s home coming! Rest knowing you will be reunited with your mom! A reunion that is beyond words! I love you dear friend. Prayers for you and your family 🙏🏻
Thank you so much, my dear friend, Lonnie. I have already seen so much tenderness from God’s hand in the timing, and all He allowed me to experience in her last week. Your words are a comfort and more assurance that we need one another in the body of Christ. I appreciate your words and your heart and prayers for me. 🙂
Dear Cindi,
You have been such a blessing to me with starting a senior ladies group at church with your book When Women Walk Alone. I thank you for that. I just ordered your God Meeting Your Emotional Needs to see if that may be the next group.
Let me express my deepest sympathy on the loss of your precious Mom. Praise God that she is a believer and is now in the presence of Jesus and we can hold onto knowing there will be a reunion, never to part again. I know I can’t know exactly how you feel but I can relate some. I lost my Mom close to 2 years ago to Alzheimers but God was sooo good through it all and I saw His Hand. He gave me blessings and mini-miracles as I honored her and cared for her for. I pray the peace that passes understanding over you in the difficult days of missing. This year will be 20 years my husband is in Heaven.
Thank you for who you are in Christ. What a difference you are making in women’s lives. Blessings, Lorraine Otis
Thank you, Lorraine, for your sweet words and for sharing with me what you have been through with loss. Our God is good in providing the comfort we need. Thank you for being a blessing to me, as well. <3 Cindi
Please pray for my daughter who is struggling with addiction and is presently in a rehab facility as we care for her 5 month old baby 🙏🏻
Oh, Kim, how heartbreaking and challenging that must be. And yet God knows exactly what you’re struggling with and will meet you there. I’m so grateful to hear your daughter is in rehab and I will be praying both for her rehabilitation and recovery and for your strength and trust in the Lord. He holds all of you in His faithful hands. Thank you for sharing with me how I can pray for you.