It sure feels good to say what’s on our minds, doesn’t it? We might even congratulate ourselves for not holding back and for saying what “needed to come out.” But did someone else really need to hear it? And did it wound them? Oh, the wisdom of Scripture that warns us of the danger and harm of our unrestrained words.

I was recently wounded by a slew of hateful words from a reader of one of my online devotionals.  I wish I could tell you it was an unbeliever who was hostile toward God and vented at me. But no, it was another believer who didn’t like the Bible version I quoted or the theme of what I wrote about. While my intention was to encourage, I apparently triggered something in her that resulted in a gush of sarcasm, fury, and vitriol.

It surprised me how quickly my heart began racing and my defenses rose up in a desire to protect myself, justify my words, or let her know she has no idea who I am and what my heart is like.  But, it’s our own sense of entitlement (or being in victim mode) that seeks to do that, isn’t it? It’s our pride that has been wounded and wants to fight back.

I had to ask God if I’d ever wounded someone with my words without even realizing it. Immediately, He brought a situation to my mind in which I recently felt justified about speaking my mind, but hadn’t first considered the hurt I would cause others by my words. I then realized how often I have  verbally vented my frustrations or affirmed my opinions without considering the carnage I’d leave behind.

O Lord, how grieved You are when my tongue runs unrestrained. And how grieved I am at the very thought of it. God seemed to whisper to my heart this response:  When you’re frustrated, offended, or hurt, process your thoughts with Me, and I will help you tame your tongue.

I learned after that scathing email to pause, consider the pain in that person’s life that triggered the angry response, and pray for the person instead of feeling the need to respond. Does that sound rational, practical, or possible? No. But with the indwelling Holy Spirit’s help, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)—even extending grace when none was extended toward us.

The Bible instructs us to treat others as we want to be treated. That looks like carefully considering our words rather than letting them flow out of us like a firehose or drip out of us slowly like a leaky faucet long overdue for repair.

Scripture tells us in James 3 that “we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect [person], able to rein in the whole body as well” (verse 2 NASB). That passage goes on to tell us that the tiny tongue (with its fiery words) can set a whole forest fire ablaze. And it warns us that “every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one among mankind can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (verses 7-8 ESV).

Oh, how I long for a tamed tongue, so my words will uplift both my Father in heaven and my brothers and sisters on this earth. How I want my spoken and written words to help and heal, not hurt.

A verse I memorized as a child came back to my mind as one I need to focus on every time I feel the urge to let words stream out of my mouth or onto my screen:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:29-30 ESV).

There is a place and time to say tough words to someone in love that will help sharpen them (Proverbs 27:17). But there is never a  place or time to speak from the motives of our flesh and wound another because we weren’t careful about our words, timing, or tone.

It’s so easy today, especially on social media or through text or email, for any of us to speak our minds and never realize how harshly we came across.

O, Lord Jesus, tame my tongue. Let my words encourage others and please Your heart and don’t let me carelessly hurt someone because I spoke selfishly, without thinking about how I’d feel if I were on the receiving end of my words.

Will you join me in this goal to uplift with our words rather than tear each other down? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.