I received an email from a reader that broke my heart.
She has been betrayed multiple times in her marriage and asked me what she can do to make her husband love her the way he once did.
Now, I’ve written many articles on how wives can love their husbands, unconditionally, as God loves us. But I’m always at a loss of what to say when women have been cheated on by their husbands and they are the ones desperately trying to fix the marriage.
God have mercy on the man who isn’t tearfully trying to hold his marriage together after foolishly doing something to blow it apart.
For every woman who has been betrayed by what she thought was love, please hear these words from the One who sets the example of what love truly is:
- Though you may feel as if you have been forgotten or tossed aside, God says, in His Word, “I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…” (Isaiah 49:15-16).
- Though your husband’s “love” for you appeared to be temporary or accompanied by certain conditions, God says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3).
- Though others who claimed to have loved you have walked out on you in anger, disdain, or disinterest, your Savior says, “I will never leave you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
- You might think that love eventually grows cold or fades away, but God’s Word tells us: “No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39, NLT).
While God commands that we love one another, He does not condone our passivity as others continue to hurt us. If you, my friend, are trusting in Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord of your life, Scripture says you are adopted into His family, heir of all that is His, and sealed in Him forever (Ephesians 1). That means you are precious property of the Most High God. If you have been deeply hurt or betrayed by the one who committed himself to loving you exclusively til death do you part, you are commanded to forgive him, but not to excuse him; to love him unconditionally, but not necessarily give him another chance to shatter your heart. To love and forgive those who have wronged us (our husbands, included) does not mean we must restore a relationship where true repentance hasn’t been shown or trust earned.
How do you make a man love you the way he once did? By holding your standards to where they once were. If you are the bride of Christ that makes you one who should be treated as a queen. Remember that…and hold your head — and your expectations — high.
Many women would rather be with a man who treats them badly than to not have a man at all. Dear friend, if that is you, my prayer is that you will adopt the motto: “I’d rather be with Jesus alone than with someone who treats me any less than He would.”
I am praying for your strength – and trust — in God alone, your Lover who will never leave.
Thank you for the precious reminder that we are engraved in the hands of the one who loves us more than any human man could. I agree about forgiving the sin but not to condone or except it. It is devastating to be betrayed by the person who vowed to love you forever. I had to remember my husband was only human and I was a sinner too. I knew he still loved me even in the midst of his sin. However, he was remorseful and took the responsibility to correct the behavior. I pray that this dear woman realizes her value and worth. Even more I pray her husband realizes her value and does whatever it takes to restore his marriage and relationship with his wife and God.
Thank you, Krissy, for your heartfelt comments and for sharing with us the hope that restoration of a marriage really can happen when repentance is there.
Thank you for the verses that remind me of who truly loves me, even when I don’t feel lovable or worth being loved for that matter.
You’re welcome, Julie. Read them often and post them in front of you if you need to, in order to remember that you are truly loved and cherished in His eyes.
“While God commands that we love one another, He does not condone our passivity as others continue to hurt us.”
When I read the above sentence it jumped out as applying to a situation with my mother. I had been skimming to that point since I am not married. I went back and read your message with renewed interest.
I have a difficult 80 year old mother, very difficult. She suffered through a hard childhood and situations all through her life have left her bitter and angry – unable to acknowledge any of her part in her problems as an adult; she lives the life of a victim.
I have felt all of the ways you described above in my relationship with my mother but most especially this one – “love” that appeared to be temporary or accompanied by certain conditions”. If I do what she wants, I am in good grace with her, take a step or stand that differs from her and I am in the dog house and don’t love her.
I just prayed about this relationship this morning as I am currently in the dog house with her. Your message above seemed to address and tell me exactly what I’ve been doing – being passive. I forgive my mother constantly, so she can hear it and also to God in prayer. But then I go back into the relationship only to let her hurt me again and again.
I am the only one of her 6 children who has maintained a relationship with her. I thought I was doing it out of Christ’s love, praying one day she would accept Christ’s love for herself. Lately I have been counseled by a dear Christian friend and cousin to distance myself from my mother. She hasn’t done anything to earn my trust, but I wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do.
I read these words, “To love and forgive those who have wronged us (our husbands, included) does not mean we must restore a relationship where true repentance hasn’t been shown or trust earned” and I added “our mothers included”.
I am copying all of the verses you shared and work on committing them to memory. I know this message was about husbands, but you just never know how God is going to use the words you share! Please pray for my mother. At 80 years of age she has less and less years to make her confession of faith. Maybe it will take the last of her 6 children to distance themselves to show her how much she really needs Christ.
Thank you, Sue, for continuing to read this and apply it to your situation. I did realize that some of my readers will be in relationships, other than the marriage relationship, in which they are not being treated respectfully, and would need to apply this advice. In the case with your mom, Scripture tells us plainly that we are to “honor” our parents so I encourage you to pray for discernment in how you can best erect boundaries around your heart but in a way that still honors her. Our parents often make mistakes (as I know I do, as a mom) and we can sometimes outgrow them, emotionally, but it is a testimony to our faith to continue to honor them. I will pray for your mother’s heart to change and for your wisdom in knowing how to back away, respectfully, but keep the door open toward repentance should her heart change. Thank you, Sue, for sharing your story with us.
I completely agree Cindi, and it’s from a place of wanting to honor my mother that I believe at least for now the distance is needed. I will continue to pray and bring this relationship before the LORD and thank you for your wise counsel.
You’re welcome, Sue. I’m encouraged by your diligence to bring it to God in prayer and respond in a way that pleases Him. I would love to hear how God eventually works in her heart over this, too.
Oh my gosh….you get it!!! I have been in a difficult marriage for years. I have just about gone psycho trying to do all the right things to make and keep the husband happy. I’ve been told everything from ‘pray and submit more’ to ‘God doesn’t care about your happiness in your marriage.’ I have been feeling like how can people tell me God loves me and cares about me, but He doesn’t care about how I feel about my marriage? That’s such a contradiction!
Thank you for your comments, Lynette. I do have to be careful in what I write so wives don’t see their personal fulfillment or lack thereof as a reason to exit their marriages. However, we have to balance unconditional love for our spouse with an unswerving devotion to God and a trust that He will not make us miserable when we seek to honor Him first. God loves you more than anyone ever will. And He doesn’t take it lightly when your heart is abused. Look to Him first and see how He will come through for you. Again, thanks for your encouraging words.