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Woman contemplating how to forgive someoneAre you struggling to forgive someone who has hurt you but hasn’t shown any signs of remorse?

In my ongoing blog series “Questions Women Ask,” I received an email asking “How do you forgive someone after betrayal although he denies any wrongdoing?”

Another woman asked “Am I expected to forgive someone who hasn’t even apologized?”

And another reader asked why she isn’t able to forget an offense, and is that a sign that she hasn’t really forgiven?

I suppose we could forgive — and forget — a lot easier if the one who wronged us was remorseful and started showing signs of changing their behavior so they wouldn’t hurt us again. But forgiveness is not something we offer another individual based upon their apology, level of remorse, or promised behavioral change.

In my book, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts,  I clear up some misconceptions many of us have about forgiveness, which often keeps us from extending it to others. These four truths might help you forgive a person who doesn’t deserve your forgiveness:

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You are my hiding place written in the sky by a huge boulder near the oceanDo you know what it’s like to experience God as your hiding place?

For years, one of my favorite verses in Scripture was David’s song in Psalm 32:7: “You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance.”

It’s a beautiful song and it conveys God’s comfort and protection and the way He sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17). But I recently realized, for the first time, that these words of David’s are in the middle of his song of repentance — He was confessing to God the sin he had been trying to hide from God.

No longer wanting to hide anything from God, David said he wanted to hide himself IN God. And then he tells us what happens next. God will “preserve me from trouble” and “surround me with songs of deliverance.”

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Blog - new creationNow that Spring is here, it’s time for make-overs, do-overs and new beginnings.

Could you use one of those?

There are days I wish that I could do over. Like when I get a late start because I slept too long, and I end up starting my day without first going to God’s Word to soften my heart and settle my soul. And then, as a result, I speak a harsh word, instead of letting gentleness win out. And then I complain verbally, instead of seeing the good in the situation. And then it’s all downhill from there….

God, is there any hope for me?

It’s a good thing that the God of Heaven is a God of fresh starts and new beginnings.

God’s Word tells us:

“Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new” (Second Corinthians 5:17, CEV).

That doesn’t just mean we become “new” when we initially come to Christ and surrender our lives to Him. It means we can experience new beginnings every day – every time that we see the need to start over. Every time we want to make it right with Him again.

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These are hard times. thankful

I’m reminded of it every time I have to put gas in my car, or the grocery bill was more than I expected, or the promised check in the mail didn’t come.

Yet on any given day of the week, I hear of families who are experiencing more difficult times than I am. I still have a roof over my head, a car that runs (actually, our family has three of them!), and I’ve never known the pangs of starvation. In addition, Scripture says I have some spiritual blessings that will blow my mind if I really think about them.

I got to thinking about those “spiritual blessings” today and it changed my perspective on these ‘hard times’ I’m living in:

  1. I have a home. Not only do I have shelter and a place to lay my head at night, but I have an eternal home waiting for me someday. Jesus called it a mansion…apparently a place big enough to blow away any type of dwelling I could afford or acquire here on earth (John 14:20, NKJV).
  2. I have a family. Not only do I have a husband and daughter, and parents and siblings, all of whom are still living, but I have a spiritual family as well. The church (both local and corporate) is made up of believers that, at times, can be closer than family. What a blessing that, even if you don’t feel you have family around, if you are connected with other believers, you have family.
  3. I  have a husband. In a day and age when divorce claims 1 in 2 marriages, and adultery, abandonment and abuse run rampant, I have much to be grateful for that my husband is  still honoring his commitment to be faithful to me in every way. Maybe you are not in a position to say the same. Yet you can. Scripture tells us in Isaiah 54:5: “For your husband is your Maker, the Lord God of hosts.” When you are trusting in His Son, Jesus, for your eternal life, He has committed Himself to never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). He husbands you in a way that no earthly man ever more

I received an email from a reader that broke my heart.sad silhouette

She has been betrayed multiple times in her marriage and asked me what she can do to make her husband love her the way he once did.

Now, I’ve written many articles on how wives can love their husbands, unconditionally, as God loves us. But I’m always at a loss of what to say when women have been cheated on by their husbands and they are the ones desperately trying to fix the marriage.

God have mercy on the man who isn’t tearfully trying to hold his marriage together after foolishly doing something to blow it apart.

For every woman who has been betrayed by what she thought was love, please hear these words from the One who sets the example of what love truly is:

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father-daughter silhouetteAfter my post last week — reminding you that you have a Father in Heaven who invites you to call Him “Daddy” — I thought I should follow up this week with some practical tools for those of you who need to move forward out of that “Father Wound.”

If  you are one who has never experienced the love of a father, or has been disappointed through unmet expectations or even hurt deeply by your father, you don’t have to remain “stuck” in that place of heartache from year to year. You can free your heart from unmet expectations, pain and regret by taking a journey of forgiveness that I have watched countless women make:

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