Follow Me

Close

Are you tired of pursuing something only to find it always eludes you?

It might be your approach.

For instance, are you tired of difficult circumstances and you just want joy? Don’t pursue joy — pursue the Author of Joy.

Are you lonely and just long for loving arms around you? Don’t pursue love. Pursue the Author of Love.

Are you tired of dissension, conflict, a “hectic” life and just want peace? Don’t pursue peace. Pursue the Prince of Peace.

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. ” I believe this means make Him your sole desire and He will plant in you His desires and delight in granting them. I know from experience — and from watching it in the lives of many other women, too — that when we desire Christ first and foremost, we end up with everything else we wanted, too.

read more

What fear seems overwhelming to you right now?

A situation that your child is in? Something God is calling you to do? A diagnosis that you’re unprepared for? An uncertain future?

My friend Dawn Wilson says, “I’m naturally timid, but a Walt Disney Film about a young princess taught me an important lesson about courage.”

Dawn shares her heart in my guest blog today and offers five keys to fighting your fears and upgrading your courage:

In the release of Meg Cabot’s The Princess Diaries, young Princess Mia Thermopolis drew strength from a letter her father wisely wrote for her teenage years. The king wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

At the time, I was terrified of beginning a speaking career. I had plenty of reasons why it wouldn’t work and why God must be making a mistake to call me into speaking. Yet when I heard the king’s words to Princess Mia—“courage is not the absence of fear”—I was motivated to discover the King’s perspective on courage in the Word of God.

Here are five courage-builders that have helped me, and they can help you too.

read more

Every time I write a book about something, God makes sure I learn it first.

So what was my lesson behind writing my book, Drama Free Actually, God made me learn that one AFTER I’d written the book — two days, in fact, before the book released.

I got up one morning to discover flooding in my garage and water seeping up from my living room carpet in our entryway.

It was a leak in the  water pipe underneath our kitchen  slab! A team of water mitigation specialists came over and set fans out on our carpet,  peeled back our kitchen linoleum,  tore out our cupboards to check for mold on the floor boards,  and then a plumber came over to begin a reroute of the lines underneath our slab to put them in the walls so there would be no more slab leaks.

Suddenly there were eleven holes punched into the drywall in our home. Some in the kitchen ceiling, some in the bathroom, some in the entry way above the front door. In addition, our kitchen was covered in plastic during this reconstruction mess.

To our mischievous kitten, Mowgli, some strange men entered our home and built him a brand new personal playground.  Mowgli immediately began to explore  those holes in the wall, running through the ceiling rafters and making us think he was lost and couldn’t find his way out. We tried taping up the holes with large pieces of plastic, but Mowgli found a way to enter the forbidden areas. Each time we left the house and came back again it was a desperate search to find Mowgli whom we could hear overhead, but could not find!

read more

Sally Nance, whose blog is The Healthy Happy Woman, is my guest blogger this week. Here are her thoughts on how to find and practice happiness:

Are you happy?  This question might catch you off guard, and yet, it’s one of the most profound questions you can ask yourself.  Perhaps happiness seems like a destination just beyond your reach.  Or maybe you tell yourself things like, “I’ll be happy when__________________ (fill in the blank with whatever you think is going to make you happy)!”

But what if I told you that happiness is a spiritual discipline, just as much as reading your Bible or praying, and that it is a direct result of pursuing a vibrant relationship with Christ through His Word?  Charles Spurgeon knew this to be so.  He said, “As there is the most heat nearest to the sun, so there is the most happiness nearest to Christ.”

Christian author, Donald Whitney, defines spiritual disciplines as “those practices found in Scripture that promote spiritual growth among believers in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They are habits of devotion, habits of experiential Christianity that have been practiced by God’s people since biblical times.”

So, is it possible for happiness to be a “habit of devotion” that can be “practiced by God’s people”?  I absolutely think so!  Let’s look at 3 ways we can practice the spiritual discipline of happiness:

read more

Have you ever considered that some of the drama in your life could actually be God’s deliverance from something worse? I mean, maybe your situation that you really aren’t happy about is God saving you from more dangerous drama down the road.

Because God knows the entire script of your life and mine, He can save us from what we never knew was a threat.

I was reading Psalm 71 recently and highlighted verse 15 in particular, where the psalmist sings:

“My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,

of your saving acts all day long —

though I know not how to relate them all.”

I started reflecting on God’s “saving acts all day long” and how many I might not even know about. I then started wondering if that is why some of the drama happens in my life. Could God be saving me from more dramatic and dangerous circumstances I don’t know about?

read more

Admit it. You’d like to be one of those couples that prays together daily, conducts family devotions regularly, and models to others what a spiritual home should look like.

But if you’re like us – and most couples we’ve talked to – you’re not quite there.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t ever be.

Although my husband was a pastor for more than 20 years and I continue to be heavily involved in ministry, too, it took us a good 20 years before we started setting aside the time to pray together regularly. And when we did, we realized it was the single most important factor in creating a closer connection between the two of us.

And yet, why did it take us so long to prioritize praying together?  The reasons – or maybe I should say, excuses — abounded.

As my husband and I began researching and writing our book, When Couples Walk Together, we interviewed many couples on the subject of praying together and learned we were not alone in our struggle. Nor were our reasons unique for finding it difficult to come together to pray.

The Schedule Dilemma

We found the number-one reason most couples cited for not praying together was conflicting schedules and the inability to find the time to do so. For years, my husband and I cited this excuse, too. He was up earlier and out the door for work while I was helping our daughter get ready for school, which made morning prayer together nearly impossible. And praying at night before bed was out of the question as he would fall asleep much earlier than I would. But we realized that we make the time to do what is most important to us, so we had to start getting creative. Other couples we talked to also struggled with making the time, but once they did, they found another difficulty arose.

The Intimidation Factor

In talking with many couples about why they don’t pray together, the schedule is often the first excuse. But lying underneath that is the feeling that one’s spirituality will be measured by the length or depth of one’s prayers.  Many wives expect their husbands, as the spiritual heads of the household, to initiate prayer, to comfort their hearts through prayer when they are feeling misunderstood, to be their spiritual strength. And those kinds of expectations can be intimidating to any man. Likewise, wives can feel intimidated, too, if they feel their prayers don’t match the spiritual depth of their husbands. Some spouses tend to be more verbose in their prayers, while others feel more comfortable internalizing their thoughts and pray silently to God. Prayer makes anyone feel vulnerable, especially if someone other than God is listening in.

The ‘Unseen’ Battle 

Finally, praying with one’s spouse is difficult at times because the enemy of our souls doesn’t want us praying together.  Anything that strengthens your bond with your spouse and causes you two to come together in like mindedness will be considered dangerous to Satan and he’ll do what it takes to prevent it — through distractions, misunderstandings, interruptions, feelings of intimidation,  personal fatigue, and so on. That doesn’t mean every time your prayer time is interrupted or needs to be postponed that it was the work of the devil. Nor does it mean each time your spouse needs to cancel or doesn’t feel like praying it is his or her fault, either. It just means that our battle “is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens” (Ephesians 6:12).

Pushing Through the Obstacles:  

Just as there are many reasons why it’s difficult for couples to pray together, there are equally as many ways to push through the barriers and incorporate a habit that will draw the two of you closer to one another and closer to God.

  1. Pray it through – Talk to God first about your desire to pray with your spouse. First John 5:14-15 assures us that “whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.” So, ask God for the time in your schedule, for wisdom in how to suggest it to your spouse, and that God will prepare the heart of your spouse to desire this time with you, as well.
  2. Set a time –  By setting an agreed-upon appointment for prayer with your spouse, both of you are more likely to keep it. But, as with any appointment, there will be times you or your spouse will need to postpone or reschedule. That’s life. So, be flexible, and extend grace.
  3. Ease into it – There’s a reason prayer is considered a spiritual discipline. And as with any habit or discipline, it will take work. So ease into it. You might even start with praying together once a week for a brief time, then gradually increase your prayer time to two or three times a week until it becomes a part of your daily schedule.
  4. Keep it short – There is nothing wrong with limiting the time that the two of you can spend in prayer, especially when you’re first starting out. There are jobs to attend, tasks to complete, and children to care for.  Be respectful of each other’s time and put parameters around how long your prayer time will be. My husband often instructs couples in prayer as he would a team of backpackers. When a group of backpackers hit the trail, there’s a general rule of thumb that says everyone should walk at a pace that is most doable for the slowest-moving member of the team. It’s the “leave no man (or woman) behind” motto. So let the spouse who tends to pray the shortest set the tempo.
  5. Keep it simple – You can keep it short and simple by limiting your prayer time together to the basic or most pressing needs on your heart. A couple’s prayer time should never replace an individual’s prayer time. And in my opinion, our prayer time alone with God, one-on-one, should far outweigh the amount of time we pray with our spouse. God is always there. He’s always available. And you don’t need to schedule a time to talk with Him. But that’s often not the case with your spouse. Respect his or her time and pray only about pressing needs that concern your family, such as job, health or financial issues, the salvation or spiritual life of loved ones, the behavioral issues of your children, and so on. You might even consider praying together for certain things on certain days:  Monday – God’s provision; Tuesday – family and extended family; Wednesday – ministry opportunities; and so on.
  6. Keep it safe – Remove any possibility of intimidation by letting your spouse know that your prayer time together is not an arena for judgment or assumption. In other words, anything that is prayed for is “safe” – and won’t be analyzed, critiqued, shared with others, or brought up again in a non-supportive way.
  7. Keep it light – I don’t mean to sound irreverent here or to imply our prayers should be shallow. I mean “light” in terms of encouraging. Praying with your spouse about sensitive issues in your marriage or situations in your past that may cause him or her to feel regret or remorse might not be best. Save the heavier, deeply personal issues for God. He can handle them and many times your spouse won’t know what to do upon hearing prayers that might be directed at him or her and any trouble or anxiety they may be causing the marriage. Aim for a goal of togetherness and encouragement as you pray. If your goal, after praying together, is that both you and your spouse emerge from that prayer time feeling more powerful and strengthened together, then you will know what to address with your spouse and what to keep for an extended prayer time with just you and God. As you begin praying together regularly, the Holy Spirit may impress upon your hearts to pray about deeper issues and, when that is the case, you both will simply be following His lead.

Finally, you can apply the principles of Philippians 2:1-2 as a guideline in praying together by “thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal.” That one goal should be that each of you emerge from your prayer time together feeling stronger, more supported, and more unified in order to take on the enemy of your souls.

 

(This article is adapted from When Couples Walk Together, co-authored by Cindi and Hugh McMenamin.)

I had the privilege of being interviewed by Marnie Swedberg on her radio show just recently. Spending an hour talking about Drama Free with this delightful woman made me want to hear more from her.

So I asked her to guest blog for me and talk about something we all know we should do, but sometimes wonder how.

Glean from Marnie as she talks about how you and I can pray continually (and leave a comment below and you could win a copy of one of my books.)

Here’s Marnie…

The Bible says, “Pray without ceasing.” If you’re like me, that seemed an impossible command.

I want to share with you the dolphin analogy that God used to help me adopt the habit of praying without ceasing. I hope it will be as helpful to you as it has been to me in unraveling this puzzle.

Simply stated, God created dolphins to be water dwellers, but air breathers. He created us to be earth dwellers, but prayer breathers.

Ephesians 2:6 uses the present tense when it describes our ability to be spiritually in the presence of God even while being stuck here on earth. “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.”

Dolphins can breathe air while living in the water. They can survive about five minutes before surfacing, but not much more. We can survive just about as long without going up to God for prayer.

read more

What would you say if your child told you that he or she was gay?

Maybe you haven’t experienced that but a friend of yours has.

In her new book, Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home, my friend, Author Lori Wildenberg, addresses this topic, among others that our children may present us with.

I asked her to share her wisdom on my blog for you or someone you know who may come face to face with a situation like this.

Here’s Lori’s wisdom (which can also be applied to other areas of a grown child’s behavior or choices):

“My young adult just told me he’s (or she’s) gay. Now what?”

This inquiry used to be a rare one. This past month I have spoken to three different moms seeking answers to this very question.

Broken-hearted, lonely, and confused, they are looking for camaraderie, comfort, and clarity.

Empathy and compassion I have in full supply. I can relate. My daughter is same-sex attracted.

Answers—God has those.

Each family, each child, each parent is different. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how this is played out in the family.

God is the one to trust with the answers.

Along with my listening ear, I can provide some guidelines when it comes to living with this new reality. The most important thing I tell parents is to love their child. Once the young person has uncovered his secret, he is relieved his secret is out but fears his parents will not love him. Show him that is not true. Let him (or her) know you love him.

So what does love sound like?
Say these 12 vital statements to your child in order to build and maintain a relational bridge.

read more

What do you fear more than God?

It’s very possible that is what is causing you drama.

For instance, I was recently stressed out because I didn’t want to disappoint someone and yet it was becoming impossible for me to meet their expected deadline. Yet did I really fear what that person thought of me more than I feared God who had my back and could clear my name?

It occurred to me, as I was writing my book, Drama Free, that most of the drama we experience in life is a result of fearing people more than we fear God. (To fear God is to have a wholesome dread of ever displeasing the Lord. To fear people — and what they think about you or might do to you — is to give them more control over you than they deserve.) When we care more about what others think of us we are adopting a mindset where people are big and God is small.

And that triggers drama.

read more

Leave it to my friend, Arlene Pellicane, to find a positive example of drama.

I asked the popular author and speaker to be my guest blogger this week and she shares a fun, encouraging story about how resorting to dramatics actually HELPS your family, not hinders it.

Here’s her take on how to be a drama mama — in a good way.

Arlene writes…

I opened a kitchen cabinet overhead and a bowl crashed to the floor.  I screamed loudly – very loudly!  You would think a burglar had jumped through our window carrying a gun by the way I reacted.

The kids rushed into the room.

“What happened?” they asked frantically.

“Oh, this bowl fell and it really scared me.”

“Mom, you really shouldn’t scream so much.”

This moment wasn’t about having dramatic kids.  It was about being a dramatic mom!

The bowls had been stacked too high and when I opened the cabinet door, one bowl gave in to gravity and fell.  It really scared me, but I could certainly see how I totally overreacted.

I needed to dial down the drama.

Sometimes our dramatic outbursts are caused by silly things.  Sometimes they are caused by real difficulty.  In my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband, I write about Doug, one of my husband’s grad school buddies who spent 13 months in Baghdad as an Army Chaplain.  His wife Ally had their three young children to take care of.  You can imagine the challenge of parenting alone coupled with being concerned about your deployed spouse.

But she did something dramatic that strengthened – not weakened – their home.

read more

If you’re like me, you’ve often said – or thought – I don’t do drama.

Yet, as much as you and I would like to shut the chaos, confusion, and cattiness out of our lives, drama has a way of creeping into our lives anyway.

Our upbringing, personality, and baggage from past wounds can trigger dramatic reactions to varying degrees, especially if we are unaware of our vulnerabilities and what we are capable of.

You and I can’t control our circumstances but we can always control how we respond to them. As we  learn to maturely respond – rather than emotionally react – to what life brings us so, we can dial down the drama, diffuse it, or eliminate it altogether.

Here are three steps to help you  become drama free by keeping yourself in check so your emotions don’t get the best of you:

read more

Would you like to be done with the drama? Me too.

Admit it. You’ve said (or at least thought) I’m done with the drama

…when your mother calls with complaints that you can’t help her with. Sorry!

…when your teenager is having a meltdown for no apparent reason. Whaattt?

…when your co-worker blames you for an incident that was clearly not your fault. Again?!

…when you get a call from a family member or friend who isn’t attending the gathering because she is planning to be there. Whatever.

…when you discover the talk in the break room, Bible study, or neighborhood  has been about you. Over it!

Or maybe – just maybe – someone else has thought I’m done with the drama when thinking of you.

I’d like to think I’m never the cause of drama. But in reality, you and I can be catalysts for drama without even realizing it. Yes, you have been the cause of drama if you’ve ever…

… told your friend about another break-up worthy situation with your boyfriend, yet you can’t bear to part with him.

… verbally vented at the customer service rep for how you were treated in the store.

… given another mom a piece of your mind after hearing how her child treated yours.

… said anything about anyone that you wouldn’t have said if they were present.

… refused to attend or be involved with something because of another person you didn’t want to be around.

… refused to forgive someone because of something they’ve done to you.

… stormed out of a room or meeting (or lost it, emotionally, and then left the room).

Yep, if you’ve ever done any of the above (like I have), then you know drama, too. And I’m sure you hate it as much as I do.

But you don’t have to be drama…or continue to have drama in your life. After all, how we respond to situations make all the difference — or all the drama — in the world.

Here are 10 statements to verbally diffuse drama in the moment:

read more

I’m no stranger to drama.

I wish that weren’t so.

I wish I could tell you that there has never been a dramatic day in my life and that I have never, personally, played into drama, contributed to drama, or let drama control my circumstances or responses.

But then I’d be lying to you. And that would be more drama.

The truth is, like you, I know drama. I have lived and breathed it – and even abhorred it –because I live in a world where drama happens. And because I see it in the thousands of women I work among and minister to every year.

None of us sets out to be drama but it can happen. Our upbringing, personality, and baggage from past wounds can trigger dramatic reactions that make you and I the inevitable drama queen.

Here is a way to assess your drama factor.  Do any of these statements describe you?read more

Oh how we love whining!

I don’t think any of us sets out to make a habit of whining. But it sure is easy to do, isn’t it? And it makes us feel better, temporarily.

We may love whining, but I’m pretty sure God doesn’t. Neither does anybody else who is subject to our droning.

Having ministered to women for nearly 30 years as a pastor’s wife, Bible teacher, and a conference speaker, I’ve heard my share of whining among women. I regrettably admit I’ve done my share of whining throughout those years, too. And I will venture to say that you and I love whining for these reasons:

read more

What stresses you out? Work? Finances? Your children? Tax time?

What about a project you are working on that doesn’t appear to be coming together? Or an over-packed schedule that has you striving for the impossible?

Maybe it’s even your ministry or service to God that has you stressed out!

Stress results when we worry that something won’t work out the way we are hoping. It is the opposite of faith – which is “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).

And God doesn’t want you to stress. Here’s why:

read more

Are you tired of the hateful language on television and social media lately? It isn’t coming just from unbelievers. It’s coming from those who follow Christ, too.

My friend, Dawn Marie Wilson, has a heart to see women live more godly lives. As my guest blogger today, she offers simple ways we can stand out amidst the hostility and be a more compassionate, yet effective,  communicator.

Dawn says: “I believe every one of us can become a more compassionate communicator.”

Here are Dawn’s 8 ways we can learn to express ourselves in a more compassionate manner:

1. We can learn to be SENSITIVE.
We must be sensitive to differences. God designed a beautiful “garden” of people. Some are “roses,” some are “daisies,” and some are awesome medicinal “weeds”! Is a rose better than a weed just because we think it’s so?
God is the Potter and we are His clay (Isaiah 64:8). Every person is beautiful and valuable—created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Instead of trying to ignore our differences, we can develop deeper appreciation for them. We can love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31).
Being sensitive doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything; we can learn to disagree agreeably. Sensitivity is simply the capacity to be aware of differences and the needs of others. That’s something we all can cultivate.
2. We can show RESPECT.

read more

If you are dreading Valentine’s Day you are not alone.

Every year I talk with women, read loads of emails, and even receive hand-written letters from women who are lonely in love, disappointed from unmet expectations, or simply tired of the loneliness they feel on a day designed to celebrate love.

Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed, you may feel like a woman who walks alone. But there is One who knows your heart inside and out, and knows exactly how to fill it with joy when nothing else satisfies.

Scripture tells us Jesus our High Priest is one who can sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). Not only can He help us when we are being tempted because He was tempted too, but He can relate to our sorrows because He lived life on this earth, as well. And because He is God and knows us inside out (Psalm 139), I believe He also understands a broken heart, a lonely heart, and an empty heart.

So take heart. You have a God who can meet your emotional needs because He knows you intimately and invites you to pour out your heart before Him (Psalm 62:8).

Here is a “pour it out” prayer for the lonely on Valentine’s Day. Say it from your heart and share it with someone who needs to know she is loved.

Lord God, You are the Creator of love and the Author of romance. It was all Your idea in the first place. And therefore, You understand more than anyone else when I feel I am lacking in what others seem to have in abundance.

Thank You that You understand the deep desire of my heart for companionship, emotional fulfillment, and physical and emotional intimacy. You made me with a desire to be fully known and loved by another. Help me to see that You know me fully, and understand me more than any other. Comfort me with that assurance on the days when I wish I had someone physically – or emotionally – close to me.

Even though You, Lord, can at any time change my circumstances in order to fill the void in my heart, for some reason You have chosen not to. Help me to trust You with what You are withholding from me, perhaps so I will draw closer to You and rely on You more for what I need (Psalm 84:11). Help me to trust You during the times that your “no” is protecting me from what I don’t yet see. Help me to hold onto hope that You really do have my best in mind and Your wisdom is far above mine.

On this day that so many celebrate love, help me to celebrate Your love for me, with a deep knowledge that You love me more than any person on this earth ever will. Help me to find joy in that as I wait for Your best for me. Help me to see Your love for me in every flower that blooms, feel it in every warm ray of sunshine, hear it in every pure and right love song, and experience it in every good and perfect gift I receive (James 1:17).

Thank You that You have searched me and You know me (Psalm 139:1) and that nothing is hidden from You.

Lord, I love that You know all about me. And when You see desires of mine that are not fully in line with Yours, You do not toss me aside. You, instead, send friends my way to love me back to You. You send songs my way that remind me of where I need to be in my relationship with You. You send words my way that remind me that You are the One who opens Your hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing (Psalm 145:16). Lord, take any longing that lies within me that is unhealthy and replace it with a stronger desire for You. And because You tell me to “come boldly to the throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16, NKJV) and tell You all that is on my heart, I will not try to hide anything from You. I want to experience intimacy with You the way an honest, transparent love relationship was meant to be experienced.

Thank You, Lord, that You see it all and You love me just the same.

“All my longings lie open before You, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you” (Psalm 38:9). You know what I long for and what disappoints me. Comfort me on those days when I feel disappointed and hurt by what this world has to offer. Help me to remember that You are the only Perfect Love and the One I must keep my eyes upon. Thank You for Your demonstration of sacrificial love for me and remind me that no one on earth could express that kind of love toward me. You truly are the One I must seek above any other.

May the prayer of the Psalmist be mine today:

“Satisfy  [me] in the morning with your unfailing love, that [I] may sing for joy and be glad all [my] days” (Psalm 90:14).

 

 

As I prepare to launch my new book Drama Free, I asked my friend, Shelley Hendrix to share what was on her heart when it comes to drama.

Shelley pointed to the Bible’s instructions in Romans 12:18:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

“This biblical mandate doesn’t ask of us the impossible,” Shelley said. “It doesn’t ask us to play God or try to be god to anyone. It doesn’t ask us to be perfect. It reveals the ability we have to make powerful choices in our lives that increase our own peace so that we, in turn, can make a greater impact for good in our generation.”

Shelley shared from her book Why Can’t We Just Get Along? these helpful tips for confronting difficult people so we don’t fall into the trap of bitterness or regret:

Whenever we’re riddled with guilt or bitterness or regret, we remain shackled in chains that have already been unlocked for us. But it has always been and will always be our choice to remain in those shackles or to cast them off and run in the freedom purchased us by the forgiveness of the God who forgave us long before we could have even begun to wonder how we could make things right with Him. He set things right. He initiated the forgiveness of all of our wrongs toward Him. And He is the One who makes us able to offer that kind of forgiveness to others, whether they realize they need it or not.

Whenever we see that a confrontation is necessary, it is vital that we take the time needed to examine our own hearts and motives first. The importance of this cannot be overstated, so please take the time to do this thoroughly by asking yourself and answering these questions:

1.      What is my motive in confronting this other person/group? If your answer reveals a desire for revenge, to put the other person in his/her place, or something of that flavor, please wait until your emotions have calmed down enough to handle the confrontation with respect for the other person.

2.      Am I ready to accept that the other person may not respond the way I would prefer? Take the time to release your expectations and desires to your heavenly Father. Going into the confrontation with an agenda can put both you and the other person on the defensive if/when things don’t go your way.

3.      Is this safe? Not to be melodramatic, but the truth is that some confrontations are unwise because the emotions involved can escalate in some situations putting one or both people at risk for harm—either verbally or physically. If it isn’t safe, don’t confront (or don’t go it alone). Common sense applies here.

4.      What do I hope to gain? If you recognize that the importance is that your voice be heard, and not that the other person respond the way you desire, then you are probably ready to confront.

Remember … “the truth may be painful, but it should never be hurtful” (James Eubanks). Check your motives, investigate your desires, evaluate your safety, and acknowledge your hopes before heading into a confrontation with another person or group. I believe these steps will help you get your thoughts together for a respectful confrontation with just about anyone. (Just about!)

Go in peace.

ShelleyHendrixShelley Hendrix is a wife, mother, Bible teacher, speaker, author,  television talk show host and the Founder of Church 4 Chicks. This blog post is an excerpt from her book, Why Can’t We Just Get Along? Six Effective Skills for Dealing with Difficult People, published by Harvest House Publishers. For more on this book, along with a sneak peek and online ordering options, visit: http://harvesthousepublishers.com/book/why-cant-we-just-get-along-2013/.

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to Cindi's weekly blog and monthly e-newsletter and receive your free "Daily Checklist to Being Drama Free"
We respect your privacy.