What I’ve Learned After 25 Years of Marriage
Today is my 25th wedding anniversary. And after 25 years with the same man, I can honestly say that marriage is one of the best ways to practice dying to self and living as Christ would. There have been great times, there have been trying times, and there have been daily tests of whether or not I would put myself on the shelf and put another person first.
I wanted to share with you today what I’ve been thinking this past week about what 25 years of marriage has taught me:
- The greatest way to show love to my spouse is to imitate the way God has shown love toward me — unconditionally and sacrificially.
- Instead of praying “Lord, please change my husband” a much more effective prayer through the years has been, “Lord, please change me.”
- Quality time cannot always be a replacement for quantity of time. In a marriage, you really need both.
- God must come first, then spouse, then the children. And this order can easily get reversed.
- There is wisdom in learning to let things go.
- There is freedom in being able to forgive, even if your spouse has not yet said “I’m sorry.”
- To be humble in marriage is to say, “I’d be honored if you would still love me.”
- To be a servant in marriage is to say, “I don’t deserve you” rather than the other way around.
- Simple acts of love keep two people knitted together.
- “Never let the sun go down on your anger” is much easier said than done. One must be deliberate and intentional to let things go before ending the day.
- Not EVERYTHING needs to be talked through. (This was a difficult one for me, at first.)
- A wife needs to look to God to be her “Husband” rather than looking to her husband to be “God” (Isaiah 54:5).
- To die to self in marriage means to put the other’s interests, preferences and needs IN PLACE OF (not just above) your own.
- “Love is blind” is not a bad thing when you choose to be blind to the less flattering traits of your spouse
- God is the Only One who can fulfill me at every level. Therefore, it is unfair for me to expect my husband to be my all-in-all.
- I cannot change my spouse. I cannot change myself, either. God is the One who works transformation in individuals and marriages.
- My trust is ultimately not in my spouse, but in my Savior.
- If I say “this is un-fixable” I’m really saying “God can’t fix this.”
- A marriage does not rise and fall on how much we can trust a person, but on how much we can trust God.
- God is even more committed to my marriage than I am.
- My ability to glorify God as a woman is directly related to my ability to glorify God as a WIFE.
- Being my husband’s wife is my most important ministry.
- Instead of looking for what the marriage (or your spouse) can do for you, look for what you can do for your spouse.
- Focusing each day on “making a memory” sure beats “keeping a record of wrongs.”
- The greatest (and most challenging) definition of marital love is found in First Corinthians 13:7 (NASB): Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (First Corinthians 13:7, NASB).
Many of the lessons I’ve learned from marriage these past two and a half decades (and many of the points above) are elaborated on in my books, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, When Couples Walk Together and When a Woman Inspires Her Husband.
Now, what have YOU learned from marriage or your present situation? I’d love to hear it.